When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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