I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
