she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
