great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
