i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
