Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
