so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
