dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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