I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
