i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
