somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
