no, he came in my armpit
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
