I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
