What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
