yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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