we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
