Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
where are my eyebrows?
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