Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize