she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
