Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
