i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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