my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
