my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
