mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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