how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
