I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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