You can't special order awesome
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
