I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
