somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just blew my weed a kiss
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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