Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
