Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
