He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
