i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
All I want is dick and wine.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
