'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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