what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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