capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
