she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Be still, my beating vagina.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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