the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
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Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.