Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  hah, sarcasm, classic

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  (212): Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning. (248): hah, sarcasm, classic http://tfl.nu/x41v
  Replies (10) Good night (2536) Bad night (994)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night

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  (715): sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night http://tfl.nu/ih63
  Replies (5) Good night (4651) Bad night (791)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

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  (928): Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex". http://tfl.nu/7v4e
  Replies (56) Good night (30916) Bad night (1768)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover

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  (763): i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover http://tfl.nu/a65k
  Replies (13) Good night (2878) Bad night (1210)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.

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  (918): My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that. http://tfl.nu/kyk3
  Replies (24) Good night (2742) Bad night (4107)
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  (818): View more from California

  Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.

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  (818): Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on. http://tfl.nu/cwci
  Replies (12) Good night (1035) Bad night (3471)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?

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  (231): OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend? http://tfl.nu/ma89
  Replies (80) Good night (2416) Bad night (15523)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.

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  (+44): Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out. http://tfl.nu/bww1
  Replies (11) Good night (5816) Bad night (1005)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever

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  (773): oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever http://tfl.nu/1ydb
  Replies (16) Good night (1052) Bad night (3286)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.

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  (785): for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless. http://tfl.nu/zt1g
  Replies (12) Good night (3322) Bad night (1001)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Vodka shot parachutes

  (265): View more from

  Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room

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  (202): Vodka shot parachutes (265): Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room http://tfl.nu/h39d
  Replies (3) Good night (1319) Bad night (582)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars

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  (515): i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars http://tfl.nu/h89f
  Replies (5) Good night (633) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick

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  (478): I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick http://tfl.nu/ahbd
  Replies (1) Good night (349) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You are living the dream.

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  (617): The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent (603): You are living the dream. http://tfl.nu/ydgw
  Replies (5) Good night (1218) Bad night (369)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"

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  (216): We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence" http://tfl.nu/k55r
  Replies (0) Good night (516) Bad night (272)

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