I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?