I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.