Texts From Last Night

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.

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  (480): oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper. http://tfl.nu/sodt
  Replies (18) Good night (692) Bad night (1327)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"

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  (302): He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!" http://tfl.nu/6j56
  Replies (34) Good night (1571) Bad night (4862)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated

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  (540): we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated http://tfl.nu/hyb4
  Replies (17) Good night (5419) Bad night (1766)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.

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  (970): Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass. http://tfl.nu/mex7
  Replies (12) Good night (9781) Bad night (987)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom

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  (410): I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom http://tfl.nu/r4rn
  Replies (67) Good night (825) Bad night (6277)
• Favorite

  (551): View more from New Jersey

  Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK

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  (551): Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK http://tfl.nu/f4xz
  Replies (6) Good night (3834) Bad night (1084)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?

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  (615): If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen? http://tfl.nu/ze7l
  Replies (9) Good night (4648) Bad night (1284)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.

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  (713): Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is. http://tfl.nu/q4lm
  Replies (4) Good night (4740) Bad night (998)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.

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  (540): hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one. http://tfl.nu/c556
  Replies (5) Good night (1804) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.

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  (970): I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message. http://tfl.nu/3foq
  Replies (6) Good night (2048) Bad night (647)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!

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  (716): Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it! http://tfl.nu/wiz3
  Replies (4) Good night (1189) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Did you at least offer to let him get it out??

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  (901): I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment. (662): Did you at least offer to let him get it out?? http://tfl.nu/gv0l
  Replies (4) Good night (911) Bad night (483)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes

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  (608): We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes http://tfl.nu/pi7l
  Replies (1) Good night (626) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....

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  (505): I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from.... http://tfl.nu/owld
  Replies (2) Good night (788) Bad night (341)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies

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  (908): holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies http://tfl.nu/b1bo
  Replies (0) Good night (353) Bad night (515)

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