You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
