My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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