I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
