Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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