I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
