hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
