he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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