i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
