dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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