Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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