The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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