i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
