mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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