I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
