There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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