True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
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We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
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He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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