We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
