After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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