her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
