the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
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