After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
