My liver just broke up with me...
I look better un-naked...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
