You can't special order awesome
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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