on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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