Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
