You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
